Chris Voss worked as a hostage negotiator for the FBI. Learn
how to deal with a liar and why people may tell white lies, fibs, or compulsive
lies.
A Brief Introduction to Chris Voss
Chris Voss is a well-known businessman, author, and academic
with twenty-four years of experience as a hostage negotiator for the Federal
Bureau of Investigation. Chris led high-pressure negotiations with some of the
world's most dangerous criminals while working for the FBI. He joined the FBI's
Pittsburgh field office as a SWAT officer after earning a bachelor's degree from
Iowa State University and a master's degree in public administration from
Harvard University's John F. Kennedy School of Government. He later rose to the
position of lead crisis negotiator and key member of the New York City Joint
Terrorism Task Force.
Chris retired in 2007 and founded the Black Swan Group, a
negotiation training and consulting firm dedicated to teaching people how to
negotiate.
Chris Voss Offers 4 Tips for Dealing With a Liar
Chris Voss is an FBI-trained hostage negotiator who has
dealt with psychopaths and people who lie. Consider Chris's advice when dealing
with someone who is telling a white lie or an untruth with malicious intent:
1. Learn the 7/38/55 rule. These figures add up to one
hundred and provide negotiators with a breakdown of importance when speaking
with others: The dialogue accounts for 7%, tone accounts for 38%, and body
language accounts for 55%. (eye contact, fidgeting, posture in an uncomfortable
situation). "The tone of voice is five times more important than the
words," Chris says. "Does their delivery and body language match the
content of their words?" Which one do I expect to be the most dependable
if one of them is out of line? When their body language and tone of voice are
inconsistent with their words, I'll use a label to identify their dynamic."
2. Recognise the Pinocchio effect. If a person is a serial
or compulsive liar, they may exhibit the Pinocchio effect. Chris defines this
as "when someone uses more words than necessary to provide you with an
answer." If someone is lying to you, they are aware of their deception and
are concerned about it. As a result, they'll have to work harder to persuade
you."
3. Understand why people lie. Low self-esteem, mental
illness, and bad habits can all lead to lying. "What does someone lying to
you tell you about yourself?" "First, it indicates that they are
afraid to tell you the truth," Chris says. "They perceive you as a
potential threat." That doesn't mean you're a threat, and it doesn't mean
they shouldn't be afraid to tell you the truth. It indicates that their
assessment of the situation is that they are on high alert."
4. Make use of a radio voice. When dealing with a liar, you
might find it useful to adopt the tone of a late-night FM DJ. "Use a voice
that the opposing party finds reassuring," Chris advises. "You want
to be consistent and accountable. You want to demonstrate that you are aware of
their viewpoint and that you do not disagree with it. You may not agree with
it, but you do not necessarily oppose it. You keep proving to them that you're
worthy of their trust, and they'll let down their guard."
Pathological lying, also known as pseudologia fantastica or
mythomania, can be a sign of a mental disorder like antisocial personality
disorder. Encourage a family member or friend to seek professional help if
chronic lying is affecting their well-being.